So there you are, staring at your die rolls and realizing you’re going to have to play a “bad” character.
This sucks, am I right? Of course it doesn’t feel good. I’m not going to sugar coat things, but I am going to skip all the math of how they aren’t “that bad” and tell you the story of Goggin.
Goggin, the halfling that wouldn’t survive
Goggin was, for lack of a better term, screwed from the get go. Goggin began life as a 0 level funnel character, the least impressive of 4 his player had. Honestly, the only thing Goggin had going for him was the “halfling” part of his profession, and with a garbage luck state he wasn’t even the most promising halfling candidate.
So here’s poor Goggin, dressed in cloth exploring a dungeon when he, because he’s not really “worth” keeping away from danger, explores a well and falls into a pit of pure chaos. He gets dragged out, loses his nose and gets a snake tongue in the process from mutation with no benefits. Life as a PC is over for Goggin for sure, right? Of course, anybody can see that.
… Apparently anybody but chaos magic mad Goggin.
You see, we didn’t know it, but apparently he was born with crap stats, no loot, no hope and not a single fuck in the world to give.
Goggin. Was. A. Terror.
Possible trap? Goggin’ll check it. Suspicious potion? Bottoms up bitches. Party can’t decide what to do? Too late, Goggin already pulled the lever. Tentacled horror reaching into the boat? Must want to be friends, feed it a chicken.
Here’s the thing. Goggin was always trying stuff. No sitting about for him, he was rolling dice and doing. And you know what? That math? Turns out, when you roll all the time, you get a lot more 20s… and you get a lot more stories.
All those players with “good” characters? Notice how scared they are all the time? Notice that they “can’t die”? Goggin’s player didn’t mind. Who cares, he dies and we’re out… what … some crazy mook with bad stats?
At the end of the adventure, we’re all sitting there choosing our PC from our survivors. Goggin’s player picks his sheet up, and picks up his quite good dwarf. Looks at us.
And we all bid a fond farewell…
Farewell to the Dwarf. Long live Goggin.
Those other guys, they have heroes. Heroes need to live to do heroic things. But Goggin was no hero. He was a legend.
So that’s my lesson. Don’t be like those other scared player. Ride Cthulhu into battle. Make love to the scorpion queen. Drink random potions that turn your eyes black and taste like cherries. Make friends with angles(no you heard me, not angels, angles), and enemies of kings. Challenge dragons to drinking contests and host wet t-shirt parties for ogres.
Whatever you do, don’t be a Hero. Be a Legend. Be Goggin.